“We move through life believing our good intentions absolve us. But sometimes, even love leaves footprints.”

The fog was thick that morning — the kind that hides things in plain sight.

I had come to strike something off my bucket list — an encounter with the wild, unfiltered, raw enough to shake me, rare enough to stay. But in my excitement, I missed the detail that should’ve been impossible to overlook — the reality beneath me.

They say some contradictions whisper. Others carry you through the mist.

Mine had a trunk and a name.

At first light, the elephants stood still — silhouettes tethered like monuments, waiting for their audience.

I had come to Kaziranga to see the one-horned rhinoceros. That was the dream — the rare, armored beast of the East. When asked if I wanted a jeep or an elephant safari, I didn’t hesitate. The elephant, they said, takes you closer. You don’t just see the rhino — you breathe the same fog.

It wasn’t until I arrived and saw them — the elephants lined up like transport — that something inside me clenched.

People moved toward wooden stairs, banana sellers stationed below, bundles of guilt disguised as offerings. I made a quiet vow to buy a bunch after the ride. It didn’t erase what was happening, but I clung to it like a form of penance.

We climbed. I remember placing my hand gently on her flank — Ratnamala, a female elephant, aged 39. My favorite animal. My kindred spirit. I rested my palm on her through the ride. Love, I told myself. But it might’ve just been guilt with better manners.

As we moved into the grasslands, the world hushed. The forest still held its breath. The rhinos emerged — colossal, deliberate, ancient. Everyone whispered reverently, lenses clicking like polite applause.

But beneath me stood a second marvel — borrowed, saddled, repurposed for awe.

Our mahout, Mammoth — yes, really — was kind. He spoke gently, telling us about Ratnamala’s routine. From sunrise to 7:30 a.m., she was tamed — carrying strangers like me. Then she was released into the forest, where she bathed, met other elephants, and roamed through her true home — to remember who she was before the saddle.

In the evening, he found her, fed her, and let her sleep. “Like humans,” he said. “She has companions, playmates, moods.”

It sounded gentle. It sounded right. It almost worked — until I remembered: wild animals don’t clock in.

They don’t carry us so we can marvel at other beasts. No matter how soft the chain, how warm our hands, or how big the banana bunch — it’s still a tether.

This wasn’t abuse. It wasn’t cruelty. It was something harder to name — something that lives in the gray.

I fed her bananas afterward. She took them tenderly, her trunk coiling like smoke around my wrist. I leaned into her, and she didn’t move away. I’ve never hugged an animal for that long. She didn’t need to forgive me. But I needed to be forgiven.

That evening, I switched to a jeep safari. I watched elephants from afar — grazing, untethered. Every time I saw one, I thought of Ratnamala. I wondered if she’d found her friends. If her legs ached. If she remembered me — the girl who lingered on her back, stared a little longer at her wild friend, and held on just a bit too long when it was time to say goodbye.

As I left Kaziranga, I played Mammoth’s words in my head. The care, the feeding, the freedom — it was all true.

But the deeper truth remained: I used one animal to witness another. And I called it love — because sometimes guilt wears softer names.

This isn’t about tourism. Not the rhino. Not even the elephant.

It was about us. About me.

About the quiet contradictions we live with — and the ones we ride, gently, without looking down.

Not realizing we have to step down, eventually. And reckon with where we stood.

We speak of conservation, of kindness, of respect for the wild. But when wonder collides with convenience, we almost always choose the path that suits us — then rewrite the story, polishing it into something softer.

Even now, I carry the memory like a photograph too vivid to frame.

A rhino in the mist.

A girl on an elephant’s back.

A banana offered like an apology.

Some experiences are beautiful. Some are ethical. Rarely are they both.

Kaziranga gave me a spectacle — not just of two giants, but of myself.

Posted 12/09/2025